Teens with eating disorders should attend organizations to get an understanding and the importance of having a healthy body and a level weight. The organizations can help the teen with what they are going through. Some teens start having eating disorders because they are things going through their mind that makes them think that they have to starve themselves, keep eating because it is a way to get things off their mind, or their body has to be this certain size. Organizations can help teens with their problems. It is said that only 1 in 10 people receive treatment. If more teens attend treatment, there will be a great amount that more will recover greatly.
These organizations may cost a big amount of money, but it's worth sending children with eating disorders to the organizations. Parents should just send their child to the organization to get treatment because the worse the child gets, the worse they will become. Also, parents should get involve with the organization. The more the parents understand with is going on with their child, the more they can help. If parents know the symptoms of the different types of eating disorders (Anorexia Nervosa, Bulimia Nervosa, and Binge Eating/Compulsive Overeating), then they can help the child.
A study by the National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders reported that 5-10% of anorexics die within 10 years after contracting the disease; 18-20% of anorexics will be dead after 20 years and only 30-40% who attend treatment will ever fully recover. Also, 20% of people suffering from anorexia will prematurely die from complications, including suicide and heart problems. The study also says that the mortality rate associated with anorexia nervosa is 12 times higher than the death rate of all causes of death for females 15-24 years old.
Statistics show that an estimated about of 8 million Americans have an eating disorder- 7 million women and 1 million men. With all of these statistics, I say that people should start attending treatment. They are able to get help and live a longer and healthier life. Teens with eating disorders should attend organizations to get an understanding and the importance of having a healthy body and a level weight.
Good job writing your rough draft but maybe you should add more transistioning words so that essay flows better. Also add more effective words so the reader stays engaged in what you are talking about.
ReplyDeleteI agree with kiana. You should include more transitional words such as "however" or "on the other hand" to show your oppostition. I also had a haerd time finding your opposition so maybe you should be more clear in that area. other then that good essay and good luck.
ReplyDeleteAustin
Hi Samara,
ReplyDeleteI think you have a valid topic but I think you are approaching it backward. I don't think anyone will argue that teens should not get treatment for eating disorders. So that won't work as a thesis.
However, if you are saying that organizations can help teens overcome eating disorders, then you can begin to develop an argumentative thesis...like government should support it...the treatments should be free (paid for by gov't) etc.
YOu do have some good statistical evidence, but you throw it all in to the last paragraph. YOu need to introduce the statistics where they are needed to support your arguments. That's the organization part that your teammates are talking about.
And, although they do make valid suggestions, neither Kiana nor Austin has done a thorough job of critiquing.
mrs s
K good job Sam. First thing just like i told austin, you might wanna space out your facts because you dont have all that many of them. I think you couldve been stronger in you thesis using " teens need to" instead of "teens should". The best thing i think you could improve on was giving names of organizations that can help people. If your topic is how teens need organizations and what they can do for people then i suggest you research some and include there names in your essay along withstats about these organizations.
ReplyDelete